If He Had Been With Me by Laura Nowlin is a heartfelt story about Autumn and Finn, two childhood friends whose lives drift apart as they grow up. Despite dating other people, they can’t ignore the lingering “what if” between them. As they navigate high school, friendships, and love, the story unravels their deep connection, exploring themes of love, loss, and the haunting regrets of paths not taken. It’s a poignant tale that captures the intensity of young love and the ache of missed chances.

• 1. Buy “If He Had Been with Me”
• 2. If He Had Been with Me Summary
• 3. If He Had Been with Me Characters
• 4. If He Had Been with Me Synopsis
• 5. If He Had Been with Me Hightlights
• 6. If He Had Been with Me Genre
• 7. If He Had Been with Me Ending
• 8. If He Had Been with Me Review
• 9 If He Had Been with Me Age rating
• 10. FAQs about If He Had Been with Me
• 11. About the Author
• 12. Samples of the book
• 13. Laura Nowlin’s books
• 14. Playlists of “if he had been with me”

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1. Buy “If He Had Been with Me”

Ready to enjoy? buy it.

2. If He Had Been with Me Summary

The story follows Autumn and Finny, childhood friends who were inseparable growing up. But as they get older, things change. High school pulls them in different directions: Autumn finds herself in a friend group that’s a bit quirky, while Finn becomes the popular, athletic guy everyone looks up to. They’re neighbors, they see each other every day, but their worlds just don’t seem to line up anymore.

Autumn’s dating Jamie, a sweet, steady guy who treats her well. Finn has a girlfriend, Sylvie, and seems happy. But under all of that, there’s always this deep connection between Autumn and Finn—a “what if” that never quite goes away. The book dives deep into all the little moments, regrets, and almosts, making you feel every bit of the longing and tension that they both carry.

Without spoiling too much, let’s just say it’s a book about love, loss, and those bittersweet questions of “what could have been.” It’ll definitely leave you with a heavy heart but in the best way—it’s intense and unforgettable!

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3. If He Had Been with Me Characters

Here’s a quick look at the main characters in If He Had Been With Me:

1. Autumn – The protagonist and narrator, Autumn is introspective, creative, and slightly quirky. She has a close-knit group of friends, a boyfriend named Jamie, and often feels like an outsider. Despite drifting apart from Finn, her childhood best friend, she still harbors unresolved feelings and questions about him.
2. Finny (Finn) – Autumn’s former best friend and neighbor, Finny is charming, popular, and has a mysterious depth to him. Although they’ve grown apart in high school, he still shares a strong, unspoken bond with Autumn that lingers in the background.
3. Jamie – Autumn’s steady and loving boyfriend, Jamie is supportive and grounded. He cares deeply for Autumn and offers her stability, though he can’t quite understand the depth of her connection with Finn.
4. Sylvie – Finn’s girlfriend, Sylvie is sweet and well-liked, fitting right into the popular crowd with Finn. She’s kind but doesn’t share the history or depth of connection that Autumn and Finn have.

These characters are all intertwined in a story that delves into friendship, young love, and the complexity of relationships. Autumn and Finn’s bond is at the heart of it, creating all the emotional tension and the “what if” moments that drive the story forward.

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4. If He Had Been with Me Synopsis

4.1 Unrequited Love

Finn has always adored Autumn, his childhood friend. She is not just a neighbor; she is his cornerstone. Unfortunately, Autumn is not his girlfriend; that title belongs to Sylvie. Finn feels trapped in a dilemma, protecting both his heart and Sylvie’s feelings. His love for Autumn has been growing for years, yet he hesitates to confess his feelings. Finn fears that revealing the truth might ruin everything. Jack, Finn’s best friend, notices the chemistry between Autumn and Finn. He questions why Autumn doesn’t seem to recognize the bond they share. Jack battles with his own feelings, torn between supporting Finn and wanting Autumn to know the truth.

4.2 Autumn’s Aspirations

Autumn is an aspiring writer, surrounded by books that inspire her dreams. Each story she reads fuels her desire to construct her future. However, she struggles with expressing her true emotions. She shares a close bond with Finn, but she remains unaware of his true feelings. Autumn often daydreams of a life that feels like a narrative, but reality is harsher. As time passes, heartache looms, and Autumn feels that her fate does not favor new beginnings. She yearns for courage to take control of her own destiny. Through poetic introspection, she reflects on moments that could have changed everything. Readers will sympathize with her journey as she faces the weight of love unspoken.

4.3 Jack’s Perspective

Jack’s narrative provides a unique lens, emphasizing loyalty and friendship. His love for both Finn and Autumn is evident, yet he feels helpless as heartache unfolds. Jack watches Finn’s struggle from a distance, wishing to lend support. With each page, we see Jack grapple with his emotions. He worries that their friendship may shatter if Finn’s unconfessed love leads to tragedy. Jack’s thoughts reveal his all-consuming grief, shedding light on the immense loss he fears. As Autumn and Finn navigate their complicated feelings, Jack is left to deal with the heavy aftermath. The bond he holds with both characters in this tale is complex, explored through heartfelt reflection.

4.4 The Haunting Truth

As the story progresses, heartbreak becomes inevitable. Autumn and Finn are meant to be, but timing is cruel. Moments of clarity slip through their fingers like sand, leaving them uncomfortable in unresolved tension. Tragic events punctuate the narrative, making readers feel the weight of every decision. Finn’s internal turmoil draws readers in, particularly during the moments he walks away from love. His choices reverberate through the lives surrounding him. Jack’s grief becomes palpable, leading readers to understand the extent of loss. Autumn experiences emotional turmoil that will leaves scars. The pain of unrequited love intertwines with the haunting truth.

4.5 The Final Resolution

The climax brings feelings of inevitability, resonating through each character’s arc. Readers will be drawn to the heart-wrenching conclusion, sensing the culmination of emotions. Autumn’s reflections lead her to discover that life doesn’t offer convenient endings. Sometimes, love demands sacrifice and acceptance of painful realities. Finn’s perspective culminates in a heart-stopping epiphany, revealing deep-rooted fears and desires. The narrative threads seamlessly connect, showcasing how intertwined their lives have become. Ultimately, readers confront raw truths about love, loss, and regret. Some questions remain unanswered, underscoring the melancholy nature of life. The characters embody the lessons of life’s unpredictability and the changes that follow unfulfilled desires, stirring profound emotions in readers’ hearts.

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5. If He Had Been with Me Hightlights

• Exploration of Teenage Angst: The book beautifully captures the raw emotions of teenage years.
• Complex Relationships: Goes deep into the dynamics between friends, lovers, and family.
• Realistic Depiction of Depression: Autumn’s struggle with her mental health is poignant and authentic.
• Theme of Missed Opportunities: The perpetual “what ifs” in Autumn and Finn’s relationship are compelling.

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6. If He Had Been with Me Genre

If He Had Been With Me falls into the young adult (YA) contemporary romance genre, with strong elements of coming-of-age and drama. It explores themes of friendship, love, mental health, and the bittersweet “what if” moments in life, so it’s very much an emotional, character-driven story rather than a lighthearted romance. Fans of realistic YA novels that dig deep into relationships and personal growth will find it right up their alley!

Ready to enjoy further? buy it.

7. If He Had Been with Me Ending

The ending of If He Had Been With Me is intense and heart-wrenching, so brace yourself if you haven’t finished it yet!

Without giving away too many spoilers, the story builds toward a devastating conclusion that plays into the “what if” question between Autumn and Finn. Just when it seems like they might finally get a chance to confront their feelings for each other, tragedy strikes in a way that leaves Autumn and the reader shattered. The ending is both beautiful and tragic, emphasizing the themes of love, loss, and regret that run through the entire novel. It leaves a lasting impact, one that sticks with you because of how it shows the fragility of life and the bittersweet nature of missed opportunities.

If you love a story that makes you feel all the emotions, even the tough ones, this ending will definitely resonate. But, fair warning—it’s a tearjerker!

Ready to enjoy further? buy it.

8. If He Had Been with Me Review

8.1 Pros:

• Beautifully written prose that captures the essence of young love and friendship.
• Realistic portrayal of teenage emotions and the complexities of relationships.
• Engaging character development, especially for Autumn and Finn.

8.2 Cons:

• Slow pacing in the first half, making it feel tedious at times.
• Abrupt ending that leaves many questions unanswered.

8.3 Editorial Review

If He Had Been With Me is a heart-wrenching exploration of love, loss, and the ‘what-ifs’ that linger in our minds. Autumn is a relatable protagonist, navigating the complexities of teenage life while grappling with her feelings for Finn, her childhood best friend. The narrative beautifully intertwines their memories, showcasing the bittersweet nature of young love. The author, Laura Nowlin, captures the essence of adolescence, including the pain of growing apart and the longing for connection, all while maintaining a sense of realism. However, the story’s pacing can feel slow at times, and the abrupt ending leaves readers with a sense of unfinished business. Nevertheless, the emotional depth of Autumn and Finn’s relationship resonates long after the final page, making this a memorable read for fans of contemporary young adult fiction.

Ready to enjoy further? buy it.

9 If He Had Been with Me Age rating

If He Had Been With Me is typically recommended for older teens and young adults, around ages 14 and up. The book deals with mature themes like love, mental health struggles, and loss, so while it’s relatable for high school readers, it’s best for those who are ready for some emotional depth and heavier topics. There isn’t explicit content, but the themes and emotional intensity are what make it more suitable for a slightly older audience.

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10. FAQs about If He Had Been with Me

10.1 If He Had Been with Me: Is it spicy?

If He Had Been With Me isn’t really a “spicy” read; it’s more of an emotional, heartfelt story than a romance that’s focused on physical intimacy. The book dives deep into the emotional aspects of love, friendship, and the “what if” between Autumn and Finn, so it’s heavy on the feels but light on any steamy scenes.

10.2 If He Had Been with Me: Is it a series?

If He Had Been With Me is actually a standalone novel, so you get the full story in one book. However, Laura Nowlin did release a companion novel called If Only I Had Told Her in 2023, which explores more of Finn’s perspective, as well as his best friend Jack’s, giving readers a deeper understanding of the story and events from the first book. While it’s not a direct continuation, it adds layers to the original story for those who just aren’t ready to leave Autumn and Finn’s world behind.

10.3 What are the main themes of the book?

Love, loss, friendship, and the complexities of teenage relationships.

10.4 Is there a tragic ending?

Yes, the book features a heartbreaking conclusion that significantly impacts the main character.

10.5 What age group is this book suitable for?

It is generally suitable for ages 13 and up, dealing with mature themes.

10.6 Does the book include mental health themes?

Yes, it addresses issues of depression and the impacts of family dynamics on mental health.

10.7 Is this book a standalone or part of a series?

This book is a standalone, though there is a sequel titled “If Only I Had Told Her.”.

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11. About the Author

Laura Nowlin holds a B.A. in English and is known for writing engaging young adult fiction. She draws inspiration from her experiences as a public librarian.

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12. Samples of the book

Chapter 1

I wasn’t with Finny on that August night, but my imagination has burned the scene in my mind so that it feels like a memory.

It was raining, of course, and with his girlfriend, Sylvie Whitehouse, heglided through the rain in the red car his father had given him on his sixteenth birthday. In a few weeks, Finny would be turning nineteen.

They were arguing. No one ever says what they were arguing about. It is, in other people’s opinions, not mportant to the story. What they do notknow is that there is another story. The story lurking underneath and in between the facts of the one they can see. What they do not know, the cause of the argument, is crucial to the story of me.

I can see it—the rain-slicked road and the flashing lights of ambulance and police cars cutting through the darkness of night, warning those passing by: catastrophe has struck here, please drive slowly. I see Sylvie sitting sideways out of the back of the policeman’s car, her feet drumming on the wet pavement as she talks. I cannot hear her, but I see Sylvie tell them the cause of the argument, and I know, I know, I know, I know. If he had been with me, everything would have been different.

I can see them in the car before the accident—the heavy rain, the world and the pavement as wet and slick as if it had been oiled down for their arrival. They glide through the night, regrettably together, and they argue. Finny is frowning. He is distracted. He is not thinking of the rain or the car or the wet road beneath it. He is thinking of this argument with Sylvie. He is thinking of the cause of the argument, and the car swerves suddenly to the right, startling him out of his thoughts. I imagine that Sylvie screams,

and then he overcompensates by turning the wheel too far.

Finny is wearing his seat belt. He is blameless. It is Sylvie who is not. When the impact occurs, she sails through the windshield and out into the night, improbably, miraculously, only suffering minor cuts on her arms and face. Though true, it is hard to imagine, so hard that even I cannot achieve the image. All I can see is the moment afterward, the moment of her weightless suspension in the air, her arms flailing in slow motion, her hair, a bit bloody and now wet with rain, streaming behind her like a mermaid’s, her mouth a round O in a scream of panic, the dark wet night surrounding her in perfect silhouette.

Sylvie is suddenly on Earth again. She hits the pavement with a loud smack and is knocked unconscious.

She lies on the pavement, crumpled. Finny is untouched. He breathes heavily, and in shock and wonder, he stares out into the night. This is his moment of weightless suspension. His mind is blank. He feels nothing, he thinks nothing; he exists, perfect and unscathed. He does not even hear the rain.

Stay. I whisper to him. Stay in the car. Stay in this moment.

But of course he never does.

Chapter 2

Phineas Smith is Aunt Angelina’s son. Aunt Angelina is not my aunt; she is my mother’s best friend from girlhood, her best friend still—and next-door neighbor.

Our mothers had been pregnant together that spring and summer long ago. My mother respectably so, married to her high-school sweetheart for over a year with numerous pictures of their wedding scattered throughout their house with a fenced-in backyard.

My father was—is— never around because of his work at The Office but Mother did not mind; she had Angelina. Angelina was pregnant from her lover. He was married and rich and far too old for her. He also refused to believe that it was his child. It would take a court-ordered DNA test a few weeks after Phineas’s birth to get his father to do the honorable thing—buy Aunt Angelina the house next door to my mother, and after writing each monthly check, pretend that she and the baby did not exist for the next thirty days

My mother did not work and Aunt Angelina taught art at Vogt Elementary across the street from her duplex, so the summer was theirs to spend. They told us that the summer of their pregnancies, Aunt Angelina would walk over from her duplex on Church Street—her stomach large and heavy, protruding, as if it were leading the way—to our large Victorian house on Elizabeth Street, and they would spend the day on the back porch with their feet propped up on the railing. They would drink lemonade or iced tea, and only go inside to watch the I Love Lucy Show in the afternoon. They sat close together so that Finny and I could kick each other like twins.

They made such plans for us that summer.

Phineas was born first on the twenty-first of September. A week later, likely missing the one who had been kicking me, I came along.

In September people will tell you that their favorite season is autumn. They will not say this during any other month of the year. People forget September is actually a summer month. In St. Louis, this should be apparent to people. The leaves are still green on the trees and the weather is still warm, yet people hang smiling scarecrows on their front doors. By the time the leaves and weather do begin to change in late October, they have tired of autumn and are thinking of Christmas. They never stop; they never wonder if they already have it all.

My mother named me Autumn. People say to me “Oh how pretty,” and then the name seems to glide away from them, not grasping all the things that the word should mean to them, shades of red, change, and death.

Phineas understood my name before I did. My name had what his did not, associations, meaning, a history. His disappointment when our fourth grade class looked up names in the baby name books surprised me. Every book gave his name a different meaning and origin: snake, Nubian, oracle, Hebrew, Arabic, unknown. My name meant exactly what it was; there was nothing to be discovered by it. I thought if a name was of unknown origin

and meaning, it could not disappoint. I did not understand then that a boy without a real father would crave an origin and a meaning.

There were so many things that I did not understand about him over the years, but of course, of course, of course, of course, they all make sense now.

We grew up in Ferguson, a small town in the suburbs of St. Louis, composed of Victorian houses, old brick churches, and a picturesque downtown of shops owned by families for generations. I suppose it was a happy childhood.

I was quirky and odd and I did not have any friends besides Finny. He could have had other close friends if he wanted; he was good at sports and nothing was odd about him. He was sweet and shy and everyone liked him.

The girls had crushes on him. The boys picked him first in gym. The teachers called on him for the right answer.

I wanted to learn about the Salem witch trials for history. I read books under my desk during lessons and refused to eat the bottom left corner of my sandwiches. I believed platypuses to be a government conspiracy. I could not turn a cartwheel or kick, hit, or serve any sort of ball. In third grade, I announced that I was a feminist. During Job Week in fifth grade, I told the class and teacher that my career goal was to move to New York, wear black turtlenecks, and sit in coffee shops all day, thinking deep thoughts and making up stories in my head

After a moment of surprise, Mrs. Morgansen wrote Freelance Writer under my smiling Polaroid picture and tacked it on the walls with the future teachers and football stars. After consulting her, I agreed that it was close enough. I think she was pleased to have found something for me, but sometimes I wonder if she would have cared as much if I had been ugly as well as odd.

For as long as I can remember, people have told me that I am pretty. This came from adults more often than other children. They said it to me when they met me; they whispered it to each other when they thought I could not hear. It became a fact I knew about myself, like my middle name was Rose or that I was left-handed: I was pretty.

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13. Laura Nowlin’s books

14. Playlists of “if he had been with me”

Playlist on Amazon: https://music.amazon.com/user-playlists/4fe7da87146c46e893ad9d06bf82eff7engb?marketplaceId=ATVPDKIKX0DER&musicTerritory=US&ref=dm_sh_C0PnHovYIYv1yGg6xQKoq14Rc

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